I think my friend knew my feeling

Aaaaaa...... He starting ignoring me. I miss him a lot. Ohh... I think he is knew my feeling.

Hehehe... I'm bored with diary book and I love to share in blog, not for comment, but I like to share here. Its free and I can write what ever I want.

Yah.. back to my best friend, I think he was love me too, he trying always there for me. He is cheer me when I sad, when I talked with me even in chat and I don't show my face, but he could feel my feeling. But he look become busy and I feel alone. Aaaaaaaa...... should I become single for very long time. I'm bored, usually although I'm single he was there and we talk about many things. I was happy be with him.

And today I remember about what he said to me and I'm afraid that he really do that to me. He said if he falling in love then he will kill his feeling and he said he can do that. (T_T) Its nice to have friend like him and be his friend but sometime I want share love, it doesn't meant after we are bf-gf then we will easy to do something like kiss, sex or other. But I want he become my bf so I will have someone that will only the one that I will love and feel my love. And I love when I feel have someone. huhuhu...

If he kill his feeling, then what I have to do? Should I kill my feeling too... No!

I don't like to kill my feeling, if you kill your feeling then I will still love you.

(*_*)

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Falling in love with your best friend

Why "falling in love with your best friend" become my tittle post now? My answer is because its happen on me, yes its happening on me now. I'm a girl and my best friend is a boy, he is nice, handsome, tall, care(sometime not caring), funny, want stay awake when I need him, smart, always lead me to be good girl, romantic(but he don't feel it), always trying to make me happy, has nice smile, trying to solve my problem, cheer me when I'm sad and cry, listen all what I said even its crap, etc. So what a perfect him, why I need to looking for other if he is a good as that?

Yes, why I need to looking for other If he is a good as that? He is single and I'm single too, but I'm older 2 years than him. But it seem he don't thinking about that, he still there for me. He said that he love me some time, but he don't tell about any commitment yet. So its clear that I love him and he love me too. But I want he ask, would you be my girl like that. I want to start to asking but I'm afraid if he will don't like it.

Is he afraid or something?

Today I'm bored waiting for him to ask me, but because he is nice so I wont leave him because of it. Will enjoy being his friend. But I can't have other love affection if I had love and I'm afraid that actually he only love me as friend and he will leave someday because find a girl.

Its complicated, he said many time to me that he don't want to have a girlfriend, he want to marry without any emotion. So what I have to do? Killing my feeling and keep to be friend with him? Its hard........

Sometime I'm debating about love with him, he always said don't trust your heart its not for thinking, its for pump your blood, use your mind to love. He is right, but how about this sense, when I talked with him and when I miss him. Should I keep it?

(T_T)...... I don't want to lose him.

(~_~)....... I want to be the only one will beside him.

I need him...

What really bad on him is he love to sleep to much, he can sleep for 10 hours a day. I hope he wont find this blog, he know I'm a blogger, but he don't know all my blog. I'm preparing a gift for his birthday, still long time but I want still with him till his birthday.

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Photography, what is it?

I don't know a lot of photography because I only lover with low knowledge about it. I only love to shot something that I think nice view and moment. I love to seeing the pictures that created by amateur photographer and professional photographer. Each people have style when doing shot the moment and they also has style how to edit it become what they want people know their aim why taking that photo. And for me natural shot without editing but with nice and exact moment is better and unique.

So what photography about?

For me photography is taking a picture with camera, only that but photography has aim to perpetuate nice moment and scene to come out the spirit of it and send to the viewer what is it.

Yes..every people can doing photography but each people has different style. Good photographer know good angle of shot when taking a picture. And make the picture sending a message what a photographer want to say to the viewer. hhhh, I'm not good in describe but that my version to describe about photography.

I lost some of my pictures because I change my storage data and I'm forget to backup it into new one, and here some of picture that I like :

1. Smiling from Indonesia for Japan

It was taken in Prambanan temple, Indonesia. Why i give this title, because that girl from Japan and the kids from Indonesia and they are kid village around there. And they just met on that time but they can blend like a good friend. To the girl : Nana jiejie, I love this pic. miss you so much. (2006)

2. Drawing

This pic I toke without permission from the girl, so I toke it secretly. Then I show it to her and she love it. The girl same with girl on list number 2. She love drawing and that moment is her 1st time visit Indonesia and she so wonder with everything here. (2006)

3. Mom let me reach the orchid flower

This is my nephew and my sister. I toke it when he just can walk on his knee. I love the clear scene on it.(2011)

I still has many pictures, for now I want to share those only. For the professional photographer maybe my pictures are nothing, but I like those pic.

Share your nice moment too. Ca..

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What my gift today?

Ya... usually I have you to share and laugh but recently you are going to be busy. Ehmm.. miss you so much. Today I'm so worthless, I had stupid mind and I am wasting my time with stupid activity too. I don't sad or happy, just feel that I'm exist and life.

Life is a gift then I think that everyday in our life is a gift its always different day by day, ya.. sometime feels bored because we feel our life is monotone and just routine activity. Then we are screaming, "this is not life this is robot schedule!"

Oh.. dear you are in trap! You are in trap of negative thinking and it is not good if you keep that, because your bad spirit make around you try to avoid it without you and them realize it.

So if life is a gift then what is it, I don't want it!

No..no..no. Yes, sometime if someone gave you a gift but you don't like it and you don't want it then you don't care about it and maybe you throw it away. Do you think what he/she's feeling? If you were them then if you know that your gift is thrown away, and you were looking for that gift by searching a whole town to find suitable stuff which suitable with your budget too. You will sad, right?

So what your gift today?

Is it a kind of stuff or something different?

For me everyday is a gift, I try to be positive thinking. Looking around my self. What a colorful life. In same time, I and other people in this world have different thinking. That only thinking, if God create what we are can read or see by other people so maybe it will like LCD tv with unstable Chanel because our mind work very fast and randomly.

In same time people doing different activity, but we are same we are breathing.

Oh My God.. this post really no meaning.

I'm a believer and I just thinking what a wonderful around me. It's work very complicated for me, in same time my body doing a lot job. Breathing, my heart pump my blog, my eyes wink, and watching to catch and transfer to my brain then my mind thinking, my foots, my fingers, sweating or feels cold, my hair regeneration, my skin too, my digestion also has job to process what I ate being something useful for my body. There is still many job that happen in same time, how can its not created by something perfect? what is it?

God! There is no god but Allah. La illa ha illallah. Allah is my God. Subhanallah, Alhamdulillah, Allahu Akbar. And Allah sent some messenger to convey in life being. And the perfect one is Muhammadarasullah.

What ever your believe, I'm appreciate it. Muslim is my brother-sister in Islam, other believe is my brother-sister as human. I feels so empty without my believe.

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I'm afraid if you leave me

Babe... I miss you. Its seem falling in love is easy and to forget it is not easy but the one that you really love will so hard to forget. Always come and bother your mind. You want to forget it but its so hard, like ghost in mind and don't want to go away.
Usually everyday you spend your time for me but because of you want to study then you not spend anytime for me. I'm sad because I miss you. If you are not come and chat with me then I will remember him (the hopeless one).
Babe... You are so sweet and I want to be with you. You are romantic as you are and I love you. Really I love you. And I hate why we are so far, and I hope our relationship more realistic.

I should not sad but I try to be courage and pray for you. You have to be to best one. But I'm afraid if you are found new one and more closer with you or your parent arrange a cupid for you then you agree with them. If that really happen, what can i do? Just trying to say congrats to you and trying to forget you and trying to find new one.

Actually I'm tired being like that babe.. I want you are the last, but I don't know my fate. I was hoped the hopeless one is my last search but you know I said he is hopeless because I cant say other. Forget that one, just be part of my memory.

I love you babe.. and don't leave me. I'm afraid if you leave and I lost you.

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