Take it easy!

I don't know what the meaning of love anymore today. I should enjoy and happy because of it but its make me depress. Sometime happy but sometime sad, jealous, fighting, controlling. When I still hope and wish he will get recover (the one but seem its almost impossible), then suddenly falling in love with my best friend, then he said only want to be friend, then suddenly a man come to my life. At first he made me happy but then he made me crying a lot and then now he is make complicated.

Its love or divert feeling which I can't get from someone who I want. He gave me attention, but mostly make me confuse and i don't understand what actually he want. He asking what was happening in my life that make me like this, like he knew I was so sad and can't release or can't accept something. I told all to him, I don't know why he can made me told everything.

Its soul mate or what i can feel what he feels and vice verse. But I still not sure that have to choose him or just let it flow and see what will happen. He ask me but I still not sure about it. I can't understand what is happening now. Still can't trust him, because he is still new in my life. But he is angry when I said still can't trust him. Because he said he trust me and never think bad of me.

What I have to do?

I only can let it flow.

Take it easy... God will answer by time. Relax.. take a rest and stay away from him now. I don't want too much depress. I'm tired always like this. I can't do my project, I can't focus with it because he always interrupt me. Crazy with his feeling. Forgetting my needs. I need rest, but he want me to stay awake and talk. Take it easy... and let it flow.

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My feeling like "White Horse" Lyric

Dear my life today I'm so hurt too much. Who is him, why he made me cry a lot? Can't give commitment but want love relationship. If I'm 20 old years girl, maybe I will accept it for fun. But I'm 25 years now. He said that he love me too much and I did say that I love him too but why he always said about his x-gf. How can?

He don't want we are separated but he like to say that his Mosina (his x-gf) will comeback soon. How can he like that? Actually what he want, just for fun. Just to make him happy and ignoring my feeling. I'm too much hurt today. He was begging to comeback but if you were me will you?

He ever said that he want wife like me, he said I'm his dream girl, he said no one will get you like me, he said I'm his soul mate, what a sweet crap and still many craps. What actually he want, who is he want?

Why he did like that? What a sin that I ever did to him, why he like to swing my heart?

This heart already damage. I don't know what kind of love again. I'm tired to feel this. To much... I only need one, I don't want taste a lot. I just need one..

White Horse - Taylor Swift

Say you're sorry, that face of an angel

Comes out just when you need it to

As I paced back and forth all this time

Cause I honestly believed in you

Holding on, the days drag on

Stupid girl, I should have known

I should have known

I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale

I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet

Lead her up the stairwell

This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town

I was a dreamer before you went and let me down

Now it's too late for you and your white horse, to come around

Baby I was naive, got lost in your eyes

And never really had a chance

My mistake, I didn't know to be in love

You had to fight to the upper hand

I had so many dreams about you and me

Happy endings, now I know

I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale

I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet

Lead her up the stairwell

This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town

I was a dreamer before you went and let me down

Now it's too late for you and your white horse, to come around

And there you are on your knees

Begging for forgiveness, begging for me

Just like I always wanted but I'm so sorry

Cause I'm not your princess, this ain't a fairytale

I'm gonna find someone someday who might actually treat me well

This is a big world, that was a small town

There in my rearview mirror disappearing now

And its too late for you and your white horse

Now its too late for you and your white horse, to catch me now

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa

Try and catch me now

Oh, it's too late to catch me now

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I was dreaming about engagement last night

Last night in my sleep, I was dreaming about my
engagement with someone who come to my life now. We haven't engaged now, but on my dream its look so real and I want more detail.

Actually I forgot some part of my dream but I remember this part, we go to jewelry shop to buy the rings. I don't choose the rings but I was asking to the jewelry shop keeper to find me engagement ring that simple and not too much expensive. If I'm not wrong he (my fiance) is beside me, and the shop keeper give me the rings. I don't know the metal substance but the color is white gold with black motif. The jewelry shop keeper was happy when showing this ring to me, but I still asking other ring and he (the jewelry shop keeper) gave me gold color. I don't like the gold ring, because I don't really like gold color, then I choose the white gold with black motif one. The white gold ring with black motif one is fit for my finger and for him also. Then after this the dream become complicated and funny, why I said funny? How can the jewelry shop sell underwear? Yes, I saw underwear there and asking the price but I didn't buy it.

Can somebody tell me what the meaning of this dream?

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I have to choose

I was crying so hard last night, because someone make me can share what I feels and what I keep on my heart. About someone in past that I really want but he get brain tumor stage 3.

I don't know why I can shared to this person, the way he ask make me can answer all the things that he asked. I don't know I have to thank to him or not, but because I shared my burden then he said he love me. Oh... what I have to do? Even my best friend that I like, can't make me like this.

Should I make a commitment with this person beside waiting my best friend to ask? I was asking to my friend, I like to share with him too because he is funny and can make me enjoy and fun. And what he said about my best friend, he said that he don't dare enough to have me. So if I waiting for him, its useless and only spend my time for useless things.

I feel that too... but I like my best friend and after he said that we are only friend, actually its broke my heart. But I still keep contact with him and cheers him when he sad and bored. Why this situation like a song. Maybe he not really love me and maybe he don't dare to have me.

Ok.. I accept all, one love go then other love will come but only one that really remind in your heart, the one that you love so much.

Love is stupid and complicated. I don't want blind in love and I don't like to have more pain. I hate to have pain because love someone that can't be mine.

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I don't want to wait a whole my life

I did say that I like my best friend, I still like him but he don't have a courage to have serious commitment. For me say "I love you" is not enough. I want something for sure, i don't want he leave me when I did waiting for long time.

It's hard for me it's better get someone for sure than waiting someone who is not sure. I'm afraid, when I'm loyal with him,only love him but he only want to be my friend. Maybe someday he find a girl that he really want and then he leave me.

I can wait him but I have to be sure that he have plan for serious relationship. I'm being older and I can't spend my life just to wait you. For me "love" is not enough, I can't wait a whole my life.

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