Let me to forget him if he is not for me

I don't know why I still remember him, I miss him a lot now. I feel I can't love other boys as I was love him. I was too much happy when I met him, I felt it was perfect. It hard to forget him. If I'm betrayal my bf, I said to my bf that I still remember my x because we are separated not because we hate each other but he decided to leave because he thinks there is no chance to recover from that illness. My bf was angry when I told about that but finally he understands because he also have past and he can't forget her too. I don't know what my bf plan but I'm not sure that I will have a future with him like I was so sure with my x.

Feel lose plan when my x leave me and I'm afraid that I will get same pains like before. Me and my bf have decided to have a relationship without commitment, he said just do it and enjoy it. It is made me sad because what he said made me feel no destiny with him, why should care him? Honestly, I love my bf but I still thinking other boys my x and my best friend. Sometime I'm thinking that my bf if my bf is my x or my best friend. With my x I was so happy and with my best friend was so fun but with my bf feel lots of problem because we like to fight and blame each other.

I love my bf but sometime I'm thinking why I should care him and love him more if he only wants enjoy it now. I can't only enjoy it, I want have plan but he don't want to make any plan. I'm afraid that he only want to have a fun and play me only. I ever asked to him if he serious with him or only play me but it was made me very angry. I don't know what to do, if he only want to play and to have a fun then if I still can does same why not? But sometime he asks more and i feel not comfortable. I ever ask to end relationship with my bf but he angry and said I planned that. Confuse.....

When I was sad or just fight with my bf, many times I remembered my x and my best friend. I want can run to my best friend and share my burden to him like before but everything is change now. I don't want he become far from me not long as before I accept my bf propose. Now I'm sad and thinking if my x not for me should I can forget him easily but in fact it is hard to forget him. I don't know why he is very special for me, love him like something wonderful and beautiful but I can't reach too.

I miss my bf, my x and my best friend now. Really feel bad, actually I just need a boy but it seems I have to try to taste many love. They said first love is hard to forget but is easy to forget my first for me, I was like a crazy girl when I love him but I don't know the hardest to forget is my x (I called him Mumu).

Let me to forget him if he is not for me. Mumu... where are you, how are you, are you still alive? I miss you and still hope that you will comeback or at least you will recover.