Back to his Love

Ehm... After too much fighting with him then took few of time to break, I thought that he want to leave me but he back again and asking forgiveness. I don't know what I feel, still I love him but sometime I feel in doubt too. I want to leave him but when he left, I want him to comeback. I don't know what will happen in future, I thought want to be serious with him but it seems he is still not sure. I know his reason and I don't want to be angry like before because of that.

But sometime I'm tired with him. He is nice but sometime also so annoying. And honestly, I still remember my x who diagnose brain tumor. I still hope my x can recover and I know it is like hopeless because he already diagnose get brain tumor stage 3. I didn't leave and ask for break with my x, but he decides to leave me and I lost contact with him. How can I lost contact with him because it was long distance relationship. Still can't forget his smile and happy face when saw me and I don't get his eyes from my bf now.

After my x and before my bf there is a boy come to me. We were best friend, sharing and talking everything like a craps, it was nice, too much fun and never really fight with him but he is become busy and me too. Now I have bf, feel lost my best friend, with my bf feel can't share everything. Sometime I want to talk about hot news and issue with him but he is not really interest. But with my x and my best friend, it was so fun talking about hot news and all issues like politic issue.

I'm with bf but still I am missing my x and my best friend. I think that I don't have any plan with my bf, it is like enjoy life for now although we are talking about future many times but it was not our plan. He said that he don't want give any promise and don't plan anything. Yeah...Actually I become not really care with my bf but always miss him too.

This blog like my diary but not all I wrote here. Why I write in here because by writing I can be calm down when I was angry, it is better way to cold me. I was tried to reduce or remove some bad attitude. People said I'm nice, my x, my bf and my best friend told that too but I don't think so.

Miss my best friend, with him the days was lot of smile and laughing but with bf the day less of smile and laughing. Back to his love ,I don't know it is right decision or not, I didn't talk a lot about my bf to my other friend than my x. I like to keep about him, because not sure with him. I didn't get anything from my bf but I can call him baby, I miss to call baby.

Back to my bf love.... I don't know what will happen but it was a lot of cry with him.