Nothing like him

Why like this? Why I can't forget him? Today I feel missing my x so much, I look at his pictures, damn... still I never bored look at him. Why it is like this? We didn't say break, but he just left me. I feel I didn't let him go too, he is still alive, yesterday I added his fb account with my second id. He accepted it, maybe because he don't know that was me. I can't believe if he left me because he don't like me anymore because I read on his fb sometime hi told it is pain. Yes, my x left me because he is sick, really sick. He was diagnose with brain tumor. I think he was thinking that there is no life after, i think he think that he will gonna die. Why he don't want just enjoy be with me? Is he really love me like I love him like stupid like this? I don't know anything about him now, I just saw his newest pictures, I see he is little bit skinny than before. But I saw too that he is still doing his activity like before. Maybe you have question, why I don't try to find him? The answer is simple, I know where he live but my money still not enough to go there. I'm dreaming if I can meet him now. He is very far with me, time different is 15 hours, you can count how far he is with me now. I saw he is still single too.

Really I feel betrayal my bf now, but I'm not sure with my bf too. I know my bf love me but to be with him small chance. And when I saw my bf photos, I feel my x is better than him for everything. I was have relationship with my x only for 3 months and with my bf already 7 months now, but why that 3 months can't be replace with this 7 months. I don't tell to my bf that I still love my x, still hope my x will back too, but here in my heart and mind I still love my x too much. I know it is my problem, I was love my x too much and I was told to my self that stop to search anyone, he is the one that you looking for. I think my soul don't want betrayal my commitment now, or my soul don't want love too much like I was love him, or my soul don't want replace him. I want he can recover be with me or not be with me. I love my MA. MA is his initial and my bf is DAS. I want to forget my x but when I try to forget him then I remember him more. It will past a year after he left me, still hope that he will back to me. He is sweet memory and strong feeling for me, nothing like him. I can't hurt my bf feeling, I tried to leave him because I don't want to hide my feeling for my x, but when I asked him to leave he is become sick and like crazy boy. Ehm... now feel complicated. I feel my life was perfect with my x, and my x told like that too,  hope his pain only test for us, I want him say hi to me again. I want my x comeback to me again. I want him....nothing like him.